Life is a pair of iron-on jeans and a bottle of happiness-free Coke.

Don't worry if not every joke lands, because not every joke will fly either.

If you're not the best at humor, at least, take comfort in knowing the joke isn't on you.

I'm confused right now. But not a pig eating a pork chop confused. So, yea, at least, there's that.

Seriousness just comedy in reverse.

iPads? Bah! Why in my day, the only things kids got to stare at for hours on end was called a corner.