This supermarket is a disgrace!

The vegetable aisle doesn't even have french fries.

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.

So what are you on a diet or something?

What will a chicken do if it has no self-respect?

Be-fowl itself for a poultry sum!

ME: I could really use a break.

SAME OLD FOLKS: Which leg?

ME: No, I mean from work.

SAME OLD FOLKS: I know, I'm tryin' to help.

TEACHER: In this class, we're going to learn how to learn.

STUDENT: Well, how do you like that? They're plannin' on quizin' us before we even get started.

I don't trust sliding doors.

I find them to be a bit unhinged.

What did the subatomic particle say about meeting his wife?

Fate hadron us together.

Look officer, I know this is a mess, but I did absolutely nothing wrong.

The instructions on the sign clearly said "drive-thru restaurant."

Do you want to see the exploded pigeon I fished off some power lines?

No, this is a knitting club.

I sewed it back together.